What If

What if I could just disappear into the darkness? Then no one would ever worry anymore. No one would think of me as a problem to them. I’d be helping them by erasing my existence in this world. If I’m gone, no one would be troubled anymore. Everyone else would e happy. No one will knew that one girl that was so pessimistic and depressing. That girl who just troubled everyone else. That one girl who was more dead than alive.

What if I could become invisible? Then I would simply disappear. Maybe at first people would worry about me; maybe people would look for me. But eventually, I’m going to be forgotten - just another missing person that was assumed dead. No one would see me go through the crowd. No one will notice me running about. I wouldn’t trouble anyone anymore. Everyone else will be happy.

What if I committed suicide? No, I can’t do that. Even if I was alone, even if I was with myself all my life… No, I will not commit suicide.

But why? I just told myself I’m more dead than alive.

Written on September 19, 2012 Reason I posted this now? Just wanted to have this out here.