Answering my own question

I have been feeling more scared over things I have little to no control over. All these what-ifs clouding my mind with scenes that rarely happen. What if this makes you angry? What if I don’t get in? What if I become like them? What if I’m not good enough?

I keep trying to tell myself, I keep trying to tell myself that I am. I am good enough. I can do it. It’s okay. There’s always next time. There’s always tomorrow. It can be fixed. It’s no big deal.

Why don’t these thoughts win? Have I forgotten what it’s like to be okay lately? Have I forgotten how to love myself? Have I forgotten my capabilities? Have I forgotten who I really am?

Why do I keep defining myself with negativity? Why can’t I just let myself win? Why do I feel weak on the first assumption made up in my mind?

I have reflected in the past and I’ve usually attributed this to the fact that I care too much. I care too much about what other people think. I care too much about how it affects the people around me, the people close to me.

Why is it so hard to not care? I honestly don’t understand how difficult that is for me. I don’t understand why it’s hard for me to just leave things be.

But it’s tiring. It’s tiring. I want to breathe, I want to take a break. I can only do that when I’m not thinking. But I can’t not-think forever.

Maybe this just another surge of emotion. Maybe it’s just been a bad day. Maybe I need to go out more.

Maybe, I just need to stop.

And that’s the answer.