Dealing with mistakes and experiences

How should one deal with mistakes?

It’s hard for me to accept that I failed at something, probably because of this certain idea of perfection instilled in my brain. It’s something I always aim to get, and naturally, I won’t always reach that goal. This leads me to my almost routine-like way of putting myself down. It’s starting to become a habit, and I want to break it as soon as possible.

This all came crashing down on me after I was away from the city for two days. As soon as I got back from the trip and settled down, thinking what I needed to do next, that’s when it dawned on me… I made mistakes along the way. What do.

It’s hard. Really hard. I’m putting all my energy into writing this blog post instead of crying it out like I normally do. My heart feels a bit heavy, and my eyes are starting to water. I know these mistakes don’t mean the end of the world—it never does, really, because the world knows how to get back on its feet—but right now, the inner voice is telling me exactly that.

How does one deal with this properly? This whole month, I’ve been setting it aside for another day. Always, always, for another day. I felt like if I dealt with my emotions while I was in the middle of a crucial time (for work), I wouldn’t have any more time left for work. But now I’m beginning to think that I shouldn’t have done that.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” Those words keep ringing in my head like my alarm in the morning. It’s waking up my emotions. I’m not so sure if I want them awake, but at this point, I really don’t have much of a choice. It’s there. It’s here. I’m feeling it. And I have to deal with it.

I wonder how people stay so composed during their lowest times. Or, do they really?

I always thought the people around me could deal with stress better than I could. I could see how composed they are when facing a problem, how clear their minds are and how this translates to their words when they speak. They know. They are aware. And they are dealing with it.

What about me? I’m aware; I’m very much aware that I made mistakes. I’ve been aware for a long time. What am I missing? How do I deal with failure?

I don’t think I’m ready to face tomorrow. But I can’t do anything about it, it’s there already. I just have to accept the fact that tomorrow will come, and the day that my mistakes will be resurfaces will come. And I need to know how to compose myself, and be open-minded about the situation.

I do not know all the answers. I have never known all the answers. I’ll just have to find out when I get there.