thoughts
- I’m trying to finish up my leaves, since I can’t carry them over to next year
- it was my parent’s anniversary this week, and I also haven’t been home for a while
- helping out in raising awareness and calling for action to create and further enforce safer spaces for women and vulnerable people on Philippine roads, starting with the closest urban area I’m in, which is Metro Manila
- learn more about Framer, review my Webflow knowledge, and just find a way to build websites quickly for people who might need help in setting that up
- be more deliberate in enforcing my boundaries, even with the things I do for myself
- Take no bullshit, even from friends (especially from friends), and know when to bring things up to further recalibrate a connection (or maybe recognize when it’s time to end things)
- work on and finish projects, and learn to set milestones and goals so it doesn’t feel neverending?
- finish all Yakuza games (hopefully before Yakuza: end of Kiryu’s Era game comes out in January 2024 lol)
- draw more (and journal more?)
- be more comfortable in writing down thoughts and sharing them to the world even if I fear being judged (for sometimes, the most random or silliest of things)
- make my own Micro.blog setup (or own website setup in general?)
- be kinder to myself
- Is this what I’ll do for the rest of my career?
- Is there anything I need to learn (or unlearn) with how I do things?
- Is anyone even looking for a designer with my skill set?
Life update
Felt like writing this down and putting it here as a reference on some life updates I’m comfy to share:
Moving places
I started moving in with my current partner now in a shared space. This is definitely going to be a new situation to explore, but we’re both game to face it and go through it together. The prospect is exciting, and I’m hoping this gives me the bump up in terms of Quality of Life that I’ve been longing for so long—something I realized after thinking about stuff I wanted to do in the future.
Part of me wonders why when my partner brought this up, that I didn’t panic as much as I would have had this happened before. Technically this is a big move, a big change, and it’s life-changing. But at the same time… I guess, I already saw it was gonna happen sooner or later, so it made sense as the next step? Not necessarily a small or super big step, but just… a step. A step forward.
For sure there’ll be bumps on this road my partner and I are taking together, but I’m determined to see these through. And he’s shared the same sentiment. Here’s hoping I look back at this post with a smile on my face.
Learning to deal with disappointing others
In this case… it’s my parents. I’ve already moved out of their house for 2 years now, but of course we’re still talking, updating each other about life, and occasionally meeting to eat together as a family again.
But this time around, I had to give them the news of what I shared above. And they were both not happy, what with them both having traditional values and all. My partner and I are not married (yet(?)) but we also both recognize that this would be helpful for us in the long run. That clashes with traditional or conservative views, though. So… I really just had to face the reality that I’d be disappointing and possibly hurting my parents with this decision.
This might not be much to others, but I realized it was to me. Growing up, I always did my best to “be in the right”, and if ever there were any sketchy shit I was getting into, that I’d do everything to hide that as much as possible. The sketchy shit weren’t really, like… super controversial (in my opinion). Just the usual vices young adults tend to get into as they go through life.
But… there. I guess writing this down also is my way of coping with the situation. It’s still technically an “unresolved” situation, but I’m doing my best to make my resolve firm and just face the consequences and make do with what I have currently. I’ll just continue moving forward. I have to, in order to grow as a person.
I guess… that’s mostly it. That’s what I wanted to share.
With this update in my life, I’m hoping I get to do more things that I want, given that it’s me literally choosing myself and my needs as well. It’s scary, but I’ll do it anyway.
It’s also my birth month, so I find some symbolism as well with how my life is now changing more on this date, at the start of this month. Hopefully with this change, I find growth and also get a better sense of who I am. Hopefully I get to know myself better enough to love myself more and more for each passing day.
Here’s to changing for the better.
Collection of thoughts re: Figma's Framework APAC 2024
Dang, I thought the Framework APAC would be live too (since they have an announcement for it as its own event and all), but I guess since Figma already announced stuff yesterday, it really would just be a replay of the stuff they already did on April 16 🥲
Feels weird to go through this now, since it seemed like it would be its own “event” where people would also be live, sad that APAC still feels like an afterthought. But I guess it’s also fine we have these recordings available? 😅
I wonder if the Office Hours would be live or if it would still be a recording of their office hours during that day. I’m thinking it would be the latter, based on how this is going 😅
I might just update this blog post later in the day once that time slot is open to see if anything changes. I do still have the tab open to play in the background, since… well, not much to do other than listen. 😆 (last update: 12:10PM)
update: 1:37PM — oh nice, the In the file with DBS session is live 😁 cool! Today I learned Zoom Webinars can be integrated into a website like this 😆
update: 2:37PM — Office Hours just finished, and I appreciate it was a live session 😁 Exciting times!
Overall, I still do love hearing about the updates from the Figma team. Makes me excited to make cool stuff!
Mulling over why at-the-office would work vs mostly-remote (I'm for the latter)
Until now I struggle to find a reason why a team that has functioned and performed well even with a mostly-remote setup now changes into a more hybrid, more at-the-office setup for the team.
If the people we’re working with aren’t going to be at the office anyways, or will be busy doing other things, what’s the point then?
There are also other more pressing matters that need deciding on and yet this is what they’re more worried about?
what would be a compelling reason for one to change from mostly-remote to a more at the office kind of setup? can someone enlighten me?
this is within the context that your job is something that can be done on a device, and is only needed in a digital format.
🔗 That Numbness You’re Feeling? There’s a Word for It. || Adam Grant @ The New York Times
Reading through this made me realize how I think I’ve been overwhelming myself by going the empathic route always, and probably avoiding only sympathy.
Focusing on someone else’s emotions is different from feeling them for yourself, and the latter can and will cause stress if always done.
I don’t remember when I learned subconsciously not to only give sympathy; maybe it was when the trending discussion was to prioritize understanding how others might feel, as a means to help them (?).
I’ve known myself as an empathic person for a long time. What I normally struggle with is “not caring”. On an added note, lately, a feeling of helplessness keeps coming back in waves; I usually don’t know what to do with it when it’s here, but once it ebbs away, I try to reframe it to remember that I can’t do everything for everyone. And it is what it is.
Maybe that’s kinda related to the compassion being explained here. Or how sympathy isn’t all that bad, once grounded within oneself.
My 2023: Appreciating an eventful year
2023 was an eventful year for me. There were a lot of ups and downs. Before the year comes to a close, I just want to reflect on everything I’ve done so far and appreciate where I am now.
In no particular order…
📝 My last week of November in summary
Finally back home to my unit after being at home with my parents for the week!
I was on leave for the whole week at work, because:
I literally did nothing else at home but lie down and watch videos on my phone. I did bring my iPad, but I currently don’t know where the other end of its charger is, so after I used up the batteries, I was too lazy to figure out charging it back up.
I also last minute attended a bike event on Wednesday. It technically can be considered historical for our local active mobility advocacy, considering that it was the Department of Health that spearheaded the bike to work activity with government officials with us, including the Secretary of DOH himself. After that short morning ride, all I did the rest of that day was rewatch the One Piece anime. 😆
For the rest of the days I was with my family, it was mostly what I expected would happen: my dad having a weird ass petty tantrum again, giving my mom the silent treatment, while we go out as a family to have lunch because it’s their wedding anniversary. And my mom just taking it all and not saying anything since it’s the “fastest” way to deal with the situation in the long run. lmao
all for show and no actions to reconcile with my mom or whatever.
I’m happy my mom and I ended the week with both of us going with her close friends to a hot spring spa 😌 despite everything, that was a good way to end the week. I’m happy her catch up with her friends is now more frequent as well; I hope that she gets more and more of these breaks and times for herself where she can enjoy and do whatever she wants.
Watched My SHINee World premiere and it was super fun! I do not have regrets 🩵
While last minute, I watched the premiere showing of My SHINee World at SM Megamall. It was worth it 🥹🤧
what i drew to pass the time while waiting for my flight
thoughts;
Hello! Things have been going well so far. Slowly but surely I’m doing my best to be more deliberate with the things I do.
I’m working towards being more honest with myself, in terms of what I want to do, who I want to spend it with, and overall just taking care of myself.
Here’s hoping next week is stable for me. -Chi #timelapse
Random list of things I want to focus on
These things don’t really have a deadline in my head, but I guess for the sake of writing stuff down, I want to share them here.
Here’s a list of things I want to spend more time on, in no particular order (other than in the order I think about them as I write this):
Alright, that’s it for now. There are some items that still pop up in my head, but since they don’t necessarily “solidify” after passing, I’ll just let it pass for now.
weekly; unfiltered, timelapse
the episodes have become weekly. I find it a bit amusing that even my moods or emotions follow a 2-week sprint. I guess that’s the effect of my work on me. I wanna feel better, get better. I’m trying to be more honest with myself. And also be more caring for my wellbeing. After I do so, anyway, I feel lighter. Sometimes I can get out of the rut by myself. But usually. I do need help from others. This is also another way: just to share thoughts, unfiltered. I hope I get in a better mental state. I hope I can get through the weight.
– Chi
A year does go by fast; self-reflection and other musings
The past year has been eventful, to say the least.
I don’t particularly feel like I’ve grown, but I guess that’s mostly my low self-esteem talking right now. In reality, I do recognize that I have changed, in more ways than one. The people I hang out with are slightly different now than it was a year ago. My focus is also on different things now as well.
Skills-wise, though, I wonder if I grew. I guess I’m at that point in my life when things feel like they don’t move much because I’ve already gone over the hurdle of getting the technical skills I need to land jobs. The kind of growth I need isn’t necessarily on how to do things better in terms of hard skills, but maybe either specialize in something or hone my soft skills better.
I’ve learned new things about myself, or maybe the more accurate way to put it is… I understand myself better now. The things I’ve learned about myself were about things that were always there anyway, but now I see them in a different light than I did last year. I never would have thought about it, had I not gone through the things that got me to where I am now.
I’m doing my best to appreciate what I have now, how I have done a good job at things, and that I’ve kept myself afloat for the most part. I’m still working on the trust in myself though. I thought I didn’t have a problem with this, but maybe I’ve just been in denial for the longest time.
At least now I know better. And I got another year ahead of me. While I feel the pressure to move, I recognize that I can just take things as they come, and deal with it with whatever capacity I have now.
A bit of reflection on not using Twitter anymore
I feel a bit of grief over not using or updating in Twitter anymore, but only because at some point I did work hard to get my social graph to where it is now.
But considering what I want to do now, I can afford not to have it. I now just have to make sure all my other public-facing aspects show a part of who I am, based on what I want people to see. 😊
(this is mostly work- or career-related pondering, but I recognize it can apply to simply meeting new friends online hehe)
It’s both a moment of sadness for losing something I knew as a certain way, and also a bit freeing considering the only limit to what I can do is my own imagination. 😆
📝 Getting to know myself more in the past year
Originally posted online on 25 September 2021.
I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve gone through, both the good and bad, because these have all shaped me into who I am now.
//
This past year, I think I have gotten to know myself better.
It feels refreshing to be fully aware of the things I love and things I’d rather not go into, to know where my boundaries are, and to know which things I’d like to try out, either soon or in the far future.
The future doesn’t seem as intimidating to me now as it was when I was younger. Sure, it’s still a vast unknown, but I find myself looking at it in anticipation more than fear. I know the future’s coming. I just need to prepare myself for it now. And it’s also up to me how I want to face this future.
It’s not as daunting anymore for me to say, “my future is in my hands.” I have a better understanding and appreciation of this now. It’s a bit scary to have this kind of responsibility, but it also feels empowering.
I also see where I feel like I am lacking, and where I would need improvement to become a better version of myself.
On living alone, and recognizing responsibility
I still sometimes feel like I’m not ready for certain “big” roles where I need to take care of a lot of things. Honestly, even at 25, I still feel like I’m a child. But I think this is due to my environment and where I am now in my life. I still live with my parents now. It’s helped a lot in terms of finances and stability, but I know I shouldn’t just stop here.
Now knowing this, I have a solid desire to live on my own because I want to be forced to face that responsibility of having to take care of myself and not rely on others. Initially it felt daunting to just up and go do this because I felt I had no real reason why I wanted, or needed to do this. But after recognizing this fact with myself, I feel the responsibility to see it through.
This is easier said than done, though, and given where I am based, it’s an uphill battle. And I’m privileged to have the means to attain it in the next year or so. I just need to lay it out, lest I forget.
I plan to do that in the next couple of months. That’s not something I can just “cram”, even though other people do inevitably do that anyway. Hopefully this is something that I can follow through until the end.
On working and being with other people
I also understand more how I work by myself and with others. I’m maximizing my want to be clear on things by showing that through my over-communication online.
Especially in the setting where remote work is now becoming a norm (one, due to the pandemic, and two, due to shifting needs in the industry), I value the “soft skills” I’ve learned as an Internet savvy kid back then. I was always responsive when chatting with people online, and did my best to be as respectful as possible, since I recognize that I am talking with actual people on the other side.
One thing I do know I need more help with in, is dealing with others in cases where it’s not so “positive”. This is one thing I do think I am getting better at, the more times I have to do it. I put it to myself to absorb the lessons from other people’s experiences that they have shared, either to me directly, or to stuff I read online.
It’s one thing to know about it, it’s another thing to execute it by yourself. And that’s when the learning actually happens. That’s when you know what you need to do, what not to do, and what to improve on to the next. And you keep on doing it. Keep on doing it, until you get better.
Thankful for the company (the group of people kind)
A lot of the things I do now, I learned because of the people around me. I have learned so much from my family, my friends, my colleagues, and even random people-turned-acquaintances from various sources and settings. It helps to get yourself out there, even when sometimes you feel like either you think that others will think you’re ridiculous, or if you think that no one will notice you anyway.
Good news: either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters more is if you like what you’re doing.
I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve gone through, both the good and bad, because these have all shaped me into who I am now. And these experiences have also helped me pave the way in front of me, in the way that I want for myself. Sure, this can get derailed because of things that are out of my control, but one thing I know about myself is I can adapt to the situation. It may not be as fast sometimes, but I do end up getting through it.
I’ve survived this far, surely I can keep on going. What’s important is to always try.
📝 Figuring out where to go and listening to our inner selves
This was originally posted on 4 September 2021.
Some advice on what to do when feeling stuck and sharing some reflections on how I move forward
//
I’ve been in the industry for around 5 years now. I’m at the point where I’m thinking about the next phase of my career and wonder how I should grow. I have enough experience, yet I still doubt if I’ve done enough. Other people even look up to me already since I help organize knowledge sharing sessions and workshops in the local tech and design community.
Despite having gone so far in my journey as a UX professional, I still feel stuck. So now I ask myself, what’s next? Where do I go from here?
Which career path to choose
This tweet from David Hoang struck a chord to me since its topic was timely:
If you’re working in a more traditional work environment, you may feel inclined to go the managerial route after a few years of working. After all, that’s how it has been ever since and is probably how you’d visualize your career progression.
But what if you enjoy your work as an individual contributor? You just want to keep creating and honing your craft, and managing people is the last thing you’d do for work.
If you’re like me, who’s leaning towards staying as an individual contributor for now, you might be asking yourself:
And so on.
Is this all there is to it?
It’s easy to feel stuck since the increase in prowess doesn’t mean an increase in scope in what you handle. You might be honing your visual design skills, yet you’re doing the same kind of mockups and user flows for different projects.
You might even start to doubt your own skills since you think you’re not doing anything different. If you try to learn other things — on top of everything else you need to do — it may feel discouraging since you either don’t have the time, energy or capacity to get started and focus on it. In my case, I think I’ve reached my skill ceiling for visual design. So now I focus on organizing and maintaining design systems instead.
I pride myself on building libraries for the different projects or prototypes I work on. But every now and then, I need to choose which one to focus on. Either I don’t complete the end-to-end flow for a particular prototype, or I don’t have time to maintain the component library for the next few weeks. Unfortunately, both have their own consequences.
Work is work; we won’t run out of things to do. And as tasks pile up, we eventually reach a cap on how much we can do. We all have our limits. We can’t take on everything all at once.
Taking a step back and looking inwards
At this point, I’m already overwhelmed. I can hear my inner voice saying, “How do I even grow as a designer when I don’t have the proper space to do so?!”
Nowadays, though, I’ve learned to stop and take a moment to collect my thoughts. I do my best to remember my achievements, no matter how trivial. This keeps me grounded and helps me feel better about myself. Accepting my limitations and recognizing my past achievements help me feel unstuck from where I am now and focus on the present.
The main thing here is acceptance: that for everything that needs to be done, you can’t take them all at once. It’s not the end of the world if things don’t get finished.
I’ve learned over the years to not discredit my work, even though it’s easier said than done. It takes practice, but it’s doable. It may be hard, but it’s achievable.
Giving yourself credit
There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back. It’s important to remember that despite possibly having so many downs, there are also so many ups in your life.
The person who deserves your utmost trust is no other than yourself. And if you’d rather design 50 screens for a prototype or maintain a design system instead of “moving up the ladder” and managing a team, then just go do that! You don’t have to pressure yourself to do otherwise. You may opt to consider the possibility, but if it really doesn’t feel right with you, then just don’t do it.
Listen to what your inner self is telling you. Whether it be about where you want to bring your career and dealing with things in the present, no one knows what you want best except yourself. After all, it really is up to you.
And in my case: I still like what I’m doing. And if I want to change things up, then so be it. I’ll go wherever I choose to.
📝 25 Things I Learned after 25 years of existing
This was originally posted on 4 September 2021.
My birthday has officially passed. I figured I’d write a list of 25 things I learned as I turned 25, in no particular order, just for the heck of it.
//
Some of these may be rephrases of other items, and some might also contradict each other. Then again, this isn’t a list you should take everything word-for-word. Some items resonate with different experiences in my life, hence why they’re listed here.
#1: Being patient with yourself eventually pays off.
You may be super eager to try something out, or you can’t wait for yourself to get better, but trust me: learn to wait. Learn to take things one at a time. It’ll pay off in the end. You’ll thank yourself for taking the time.
#2: Sometimes, the best way to make up for a mistake is to acknowledge it and move on.
And it’s not the end of the world if you make a mistake. You’re human; it happens. It’s still bound to happen even after this.
No trying to fix it, especially if it’s something that can’t be fixed anyways.
What’s important is how you get back up.
#3: Your account is your own space on the internet.
Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts on the spaces allocated for you. So what if other people don’t like it, or don’t pay mind to it? It’s fine! It’s your space. You can do whatever you want with it.
#4: You can be friends with someone and yet still not like their whole being.
And that’s fine. You don’t have to force yourself to like every single bit of a person. That’s reserved for certain people only, not every single person you talk to. You’ll tire yourself out that way.
#5: Resting is completely okay, and you don’t have to reach a quota on how much you’ve “rested” to make it worthwhile.
Spent the rest of the day playing games? That’s okay. Spent it all lying on bed? That’s fine as well. Worked on a bunch of side projects? That’s good, too!
#6: A change in mindset does wonders to your wellbeing.
This may be cliché, and doesn’t work all the time, but oh, on the days it does work. Oh, boy. It does wonders.
I am reminded of this TikTok video from Abraham Piper:
@abrahampiper Sounds like a joke but it works. Try it! #reframe #thoughtexperiment #trickyourself #psychology #notadoctor #rethink #problemsolving #lateralthinking ♬ original sound - Abraham Piper
“I can’t simply choose to change [what bothers me], but I can simply change the game.”
#7: Double check on the “rules” you’ve placed in your life. You might just be limiting yourself for no good reason.
It’s okay to bend the rules. It’s also okay to change them, especially when they don’t make sense given the current context anymore.
#8: You can change your opinion on something or some people, based on new information you get.
Important to fact-check these as well. Such is the way of life.
Sometimes, a dear friend of yours is apparently an asshole to others. And that doesn’t sit well with you. Well then, it’s perfectly fine to change your opinion about them. Time will tell if you cross paths with them again.
#9: You don’t have to reply immediately to every single message.
So what if you seen-zoned someone? In casual conversations, it’s fine. You’re under no obligation to respond immediately. Take your time.
Besides, you can think about this: if it’s so important that they need a response right away, they’ll call. Sometimes, it’s not as urgent as it’s made out to be, but at least you hit two birds with one stone: the other person gets their response immediately, and you have one less thing to worry about.
#10: It’s okay to take a stand and defend yourself.
Even if it feels scary to do so. Don’t think something is okay? Then don’t change your opinion just because other people around you think otherwise. You can call people out.
#11: Take some credit for yourself, you’ve earned it.
You’ve been alive for 25 years! That’s a feat in itself!
Also note that you’ve done so many things! And I’m not talking about grand achievements here. Remember that one time you helped your friend go through something? Or that other time when you shared a meme and a lot of your friends laugh reacted to it? Those times.
Take those times and cherish them, if they matter to you.
#12: Financial literacy is very important.
Money is not inherently evil. Don’t let it control you, manage it instead.
You can criticize how other people handle money, but that’s it. Just because it’s being mishandled doesn’t mean money shouldn’t be thought of anymore. You’ll end up getting broke if you don’t learn how to manage your funds.
#13: A clean space does wonders to your mind (and nose).
Yeah sure, they say a messy space is the sign of a genius yadda yadda, but you know what’s also good? A picturesque work station, clear of any dust particles! Your nose and self-esteem (once you post that photo that wows people) will thank you.
#14: You don’t have to share every single thing to everyone.
This applies to public accounts. You have friends for a reason. Share it with them instead.
#15: Sometimes it’s better to splurge a bit for things you will most likely use a lot.
But of course, make sure that the item isn’t just ridiculously overpriced. Again, friends are always there to help. You can ask for their opinion on the things you want to spend on to see if it’s worth it.
#16: You are pretty. You are beautiful. With makeup or without.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
#17: Sometimes the only way to find out is to try it.
Be it a new opportunity, food, that K-Pop group everyone keeps recommending to you… anything! No harm in trying something. At the very least, you’d have one point of reference to see if you like that thing or not.
#18: Not all battles have to be fought headfirst.
There are times when you can’t take matters into your own hands. You have to let other people help.
And on that note…
#19: It’s okay to ask for help.
Don’t do this at the last minute. Don’t procrastinate on getting help. Nothing wrong with saying that you’re having difficulty in one matter.
#20: There’s nothing wrong with blocking people you know.
Facebook friend being creepy? Block. Some random stranger trying to be super FC (Feeling Close) and is making you uncomfortable? Block.
#21: You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.
You don’t have to convince anyone else. You only have to convince yourself. Just go. You don’t need to have some super convoluted reason on why you want to do it, too. If you want it, then go for it.
#22: There are instances when it really is better to just let go.
Don’t be a martyr for your relationship or friendship. You don’t have to suffer for the sake of the other. Let go. You’ll be more at peace afterwards.
#23: Benefits are there to be used.
Since you are an employee to a company, learn about the different benefits you have with them. And make use of them. You’ll need all the help you can get in this unforgiving world.
#24: What may be convention may not be what works for you.
And again, that’s okay. You don’t have to conform. “Normal” is arbitrary. Who defines that in the first place? Just go do your thing.
#25: No one cares.
And that’s okay.
Honestly. It doesn’t matter anyway. And that’s not as bad as it seems. So there’s no need for you to worry too much on what other people think.
If you’ve read up until this point, thank you! Hope this 25-list rambling of notes to self was helpful to you in some way.
I initially wrote this right after my birthday, but deferred in posting it because I was afraid. But now, I’m remembering #25: no one cares. And that’s fine!
Either way, I’ll always strive to learn and be better.